confuscious

TEENAGE DRAMA

2006-08-06T21:08:00.000-07:00

How crazy, crazy my life has been lately. I got a myspace but I have no idea how to do anything on there. So, I'll just keep writing on this and maybe one day I won't be so technologically challenged to figure it out. As I could tell from my last post, hardly anyone reads this anymore. It's crazy but I guess this is just my place to vent or write in a journal type thing anyways. I love to write but I just don't really get the time or really like anyone to see it so this is just perfect. :) Things are crazy with school starting. There's band going on and guys and classes and all that crazy teenage stuff. I really don't know how I'm gonna deal with it but oh well. Just goin with the flow. Have you ever just wished that your parents would get divorced? I know it's crazy and it's probably not normal either but with all this stress lately and them fighting and making me feel guilty for all I'm doing I guess it can just get you into a depressed mood. I hate feeling this way. I've always hated it. Especially when I really was depressed. I really don't want to get into that state of mind again. But, I'll get over it. I always do. I just need to get comfortable with things again, get some stuff out of the way, and just relax a bit when I'm in between things. Lol Like I said before... This is really just a place for me to vent without having to bother anybody else about my problems. :)
~same old happy amanda~

EUROPE

2006-06-14T21:23:00.000-07:00

Well, this blog will be more than about Europe but that's the main thing that's coming up. Yes, I'm leaving for Europe this Sunday!!!! I'm so excited! I can hardly believe I'm really going. This is my dream and I know how unlikely it is to have your biggest dream come true... I know that I wouldn't have been able to do it by myself. I had sooo much help. I know no one reads this anymore... blogs are "totally last year" but I don't care. I still write from time to time. :) I'm also going to be the Drum Major next year. I have so many ideas already... it's insane!!!! I'm so stoked and I really hope I can do a good job. I'm so nervous that I'll be really bad and we won't win Region Marching and it'll be all my fault to stop the winning streak.... maybe I worry too much... but what if...?
Well, that's enough for now. Maybe I'll write again in another 4 months...

~too excited to sleep~
Manda

FOCUS ON MATTERS YOU CAN CONTROL

2006-02-03T16:13:00.000-07:00

Well, I know that I haven't written for a long time but this is going to be kind of short because I have somewhere to be. Surprise, surprise. :)
I've been so busy lately. I'm going through some hard things, dealing with the past. I'm going to counseling and I'm learning a lot of new things about myself and I'm reliving a lot of horrible things I wish I didn't have to. But, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
Another thing is........GUYS ARE ONLY GOOD AS FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Especially when you are going through a hard time and you really need to focus on yourself instead of trying to satisfy everyone else. I've learned that the hard way. To all those who have been involved in this, I'm finished. The True to the Faith book says to focus on matters you can control. So that's what I'm going to do. I've apologized as much as I can and I've tried to make ammends with the people that I am on "rocky" grounds with. And that's all I can do. And that's okay. I'm not worried about it anymore and it's such a relief!! :) I can only control my behavior and my attitude and I can only try to influence others. But I can't control them and I am perfectly fine with that. It's really quite a great feeling. You should all try it sometime. :)

Amanda Courtney

BUSY, BUSY, BUSY

2005-12-18T12:42:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm getting my license on Tuesday!! I am so stoked! I can't wait, obviously. I've been driving with Adamson a lot (okay only 4 times but it seems like a lot) so that has kept me busy. I also got a job at Farmer's Market and I've been working a lot of 6 hour shifts. Yeah, yeah I know some people are probably like "Oh, poor baby, only 6 hours." But hey, give me a break, I've never had a job before in my life. And working until 10 or 11 and then having to go home and do homework til 12 or 1 in the morning is kind of a drag. But, it's keeping me busy.
I've really been going through a hard time with guys right now. I want to make every one happy and by trying to do that I seem to be making it worse and making myself unhappy. My philosophy stands---- "Guys are confusing and girls are stupid." And if you know what's going on at school... you know what I'm talking about. Well, there's a lot more to say but I have to go get my waffles before my cousins eat them all.
~Til next time~

Amanda Courtney Stringham

CONFUSED?... NOTHING NEW

2005-11-22T17:11:00.000-07:00

Well, I have to say that I am thoroughly confused right now. I read the comments Missy left on Steven's blog and I really don't know what that's all about. I told her that yeah, it bugged me last year about her and Andrew but I could really care less now. We talked at the Stake Dance and have been getting along fine since then so I thought that it was pretty clear that I was completely over it. But, I'm going to try to call her tonight and figure things out. Hopefully the confusing parts will disappear. It sure would be nice to go one day without getting all confused, but hey, what can you do?

Anywho~ marching band is over and I didn't make the basketball team. So basically, life is boring. I'll be getting a job at Farmer's Market soon and hopefully that can fill in my time. I was really bummed about not making the team this year. I had a sprained left wrist at try outs so I was really hoping that that wouldn't affect my performance. But, I didn't make it and I'm still sad about it. But, it's actually for the better. I've been really busy with AP biology and as everyone should know by now-- I'M SAVING UP TO GO TO EUROPE NEXT SUMMER!!!!! So, with not being on the team, I will have more time to work which means more money. I really do miss basketball, though so I have been working out a lot and I am planning on starting my special training with my stepdad soon so that I can make the team next year.

So, my birthday is on Sunday!! I am so excited! The only thing that sucks is that my mom works on Sundays so she won't be here. But, I get to spend all of Thanksgiving vacation with her and I get to drive up to Salt Lake tomorrow. After that I should be almost ready to drive with Adamson then.... freedom. Driving. :) I've had my permit since September but I haven't gotten that many hours in. Oh, well. I don't even have a car yet, but it's all good. As long as I keep my 4.0 going my parents will help me with my car and car insurance.

And Steven, you should really call me instead of writing on my blog! :) I didn't read your comment until today so I didn't know that you wanted to talk. I might be able to stay after school tomorrow, but I'm not sure because we are going to Salt Lake. It's good to hear that you got your papers in, definately tell me when you get your calling.

Until next time,
~Mandy Loo~

SO MANY THINGS, SO LITTLE TIME

2005-10-30T16:19:00.000-07:00

Talk about a busy week! Oh my goodness!!!! Monday wasn't very eventful but, whew!, the rest of the week sure made up for that! Tuesday my mom came home and there was yound women's, Wednesday we (the band) went to Canyon View High for a sort of critiqueing for our field show, Thursday I had an extremely boring AP Bio. lab @ Pine View about photosynthesis, Friday there was the football game (and we totally kicked butt), and finally there was Saturday. Ah, what a day!! We had to be at the high school at 6:30 so that the buses could leave by 7 and we drove five hours up to Mt. View High for our field show competition. I was a little disappointed that we didn't get any awards but, hey, just more for us to work on for the competition in Vegas this coming Saturday. Trever and I have been having a "rough patch" you could say, but we've worked things out and now we are friends. He actually likes someone else now, which I think will be very good for him and me both. As for Missy, yes, I overreacted. But, hey, what's new? We talked last night at the Stake Dance, which I only got to go to about 45 minutes of because we got back so late from SLC. So, we are friends yet again. Drama, drama, drama. Or, in other words, high school. :) But the bus ride home was the best part about yesterday. Chris and I sat by each other the entire time and I have to say that I was quite satisfied with the situation. We talked a lot and it was really good for us. I really like who he is. He is so different yet so similar to the guys I've liked in the past (yeah, I know that's an oxymoron but I don't care, it makes since to me). He is so aware of how he affects me and I find it incredibly unfair. He has all the traits and qualities that I want in a guy. Usually when I've liked a guy they always have some of those traits and they express one very strong one. Well, Chris has all of those, and he expresses them all also. I absolutely love that!! I am apprehensive and excited for the future but I am definately looking forward to it. :)

~toodles~
Mandy Loo

SCREAM

2005-10-25T15:27:00.000-07:00

If anything on this post hurts peoples feelings please talk to me about it once I've cooled down before you take offense to it. First off, I think you should know, I am crying right now. I don't always cry because I'm sad, I also cry when I'm pissed off. Well, right now I'm both. I've realized for a long time that I am scared. I really do like Trever, even though I've told him that we should just be friends. What I meant to say was "friends for now." I really think that when I am ready to have a relationship that it could seriously work out. I'm just really afraid of making a committment to anyone right now and hurting either or both of us. So Trever, please don't completely block me out of your "love life" or whatever, because I'm not leaving you out of mine. But, it's high school, and right now I really wouldn't be able to be serious with someone.
Next, Missy you should definately read this part. This might seem harsh, cruel, unfair, or prideful. But, I don't want you to consider us friends anymore. You have lied to me, used me, manipulated me, and stabbed me in the back and you have really just pissed me off. You have never acted like you liked Trever. You have always said that him and I are perfect for each other and that you could see us getting married someday, just like I could see it too. You just had to have your way, didn't you? You just had to see that I was happy and you saw that I was getting a little attention and you just had to turn the attention back to you, huh? I'm not going to literally say stay away from Trever, but hey, you get the idea. I am a jealous person, you should know that. Trever can like who he wants and other girls can like him but if you hurt him or backstab me or him or if you even try to take what him and I had together I swear to you that you will regret it. Don't push me.

Officially pissed off,
Amanda

HOMECOMING

2005-09-25T11:22:00.000-07:00

Well, homecoming week was great. I got to enjoy seeing all the silly people of the school dress up and look goofy. That even includes some of my friends, HA HA HA!! Wow... I really haven't had enough sleep. Last night, while everyone was at the homecoming dance, I was watching three little kids while my cousins were out for their anniversary. They said that they'd be back before midnight but they were late and I didn't even get home til close to 1 a.m.!!!! My bed has never been so comfortable before. And~ I got 50 bucks towards my trip. So, it's all good.
But, anywho, the game was awesome. We kicked Snow Canyon's butt and had fun doing it. :) I think the field show went well. It seemed so short, though. I wanted it to last longer because we have worked on it so hard and for such a long time and then we were out there for maybe 5 minutes. But I loved the thrill. I can't wait til we learn the third song. Mr. Mo might have us going to marching band at 6:30 in the morning instead of 7. I think it's about time he made us do something. 7 a.m. is easy but to become really good I think we should come around 6.
There was just one thing about homecoming week that I didn't like. Not being able to go to the dance. Trever went with Cassie, and of course I got jealous, but it's not like I thought anything was going to happen. I just wish it was me. When my cousin was taking me home last night we saw a limo going down the street and it made me kinda sad because I couldn't go. But, I'll be 16 in two months. TWO MONTHS!!!! It seemed like forever ago when I was saying that it was only 3 months. This is going to take too long. Well, anywho, I'd better be going. I have homework to do.
~peace~
manda

DIFFICULT

2005-09-21T19:40:00.000-07:00

Things have been really, really, REALLY difficult lately. Marching band did really well at Dixie Round Up and we got first place. But, on the bus on the way home, I just had this really overwhelming feeling. Trever and I were sitting by each other and, of course, we were holding hands. I just had the feeling that I didn't know what I was doing anymore. I had always been especially happy to be with him every chance that I could, but it was different this time. It's not that I didn't want to be around him, I just wasn't happy. I talked to my mom about it and told her how I don't want a boyfriend. First off, I really don't think that my stress level could handle it. I would have a nervous breakdown almost every day if I had a boyfriend. Second off, I haven't even been on a date yet. There are quite a few cute guys at Hurricane High school and even though I like Trever more than any of them, I do want to date a lot. So, my mom said that by holding hands with Trever that we (I) were/was giving the idea that we were a couple. I really, really, REALLY didn't want to stop holding hands with him, and Trever, I really hope that you understand that. But, I just know that it's for the better. It's been especially hard for me because I didn't want to do it in the first place. We still hang out but after I talked to Trever he got the impression that I was leading him on. First off, it kind of hurts to think that he would think that I would do something like that. On the other hand, he's a very sensitive person and I should have clarified my feelings better. I'm going to stay after school tomorrow and I'm really hoping that Trever will too. We have a lot to talk about and even though he says that he understands now, there are a lot of things I want to tell him. I might change my mind by the time 3:00 comes around tomorrow but I think that I am ready to tell him some things that I didn't want to tell him before. I hope that he understands that I have changed since then and I hope that he will give me a chance.
One last thing~ Trever, if you read this before tomorrow, I'm listening to some songs by Jewel. One is called "Near You Always" and "You were meant for me." I always listen to these songs when I'm on the computer and I think they would be really good songs to listen to if you ever get the chance.

'Til next time,
~the ever confusing and complicated~
amanda

LATELY

2005-09-14T14:31:00.000-07:00

First off, Peach Days seemed to be a hit. Um, literally. I had so much fun hanging out with Trever all day, among numerous groups of friends also. Then Steven and I talked because, as you well know, we had some things to clear up. It went really well and I'm glad to say that we are friends. Whether anything will come of that, who knows? All I know is that it would take an extreme amount of trust in myself and that for now we are friends. I know how hard it is to hear that because it happened to me last year. Anywho~ afterwards everyone was going to watch a movie at Robin's but I had already been at Peach Days for quite a few hours and decided it was time to go home. I thought that my stepdad would be mad at me, which he was but we'll get to that later, so the first thing I did was apologize for being gone all day. He said that it was fine and that I would have been able to go to the movie had I called him. Well that was great. Then a couple hours later he decided to take back his understanding and got mad at me. Oh, how I love my stepdad. He really, really, REALLY frustrates me at times and I just don't know if I can hold myself back from blowing up at him any longer. We actually got into a really big fight last Sunday. It really sucked and I am not looking forward to spending 2 weeks alone with him while my mom is in Texas and my brother is in Phoenix. But, I'll just have to deal with it.
I FINALLY got my learner's permit! Driver's ed. is over and I can sleep in yet again!! Woo-Hoo!!! And I went to a meeting for the Student Ambassador's and it is most likely that I will be going to France, Italy, and Greece next summer!!! Yay!!!!!!!! I am so stoked!!!
Anywho~ life is going good lately. I'm happy yet confused. But that's normal. :)
~Toodles~
Mandy Loo

NOT MUCH TO SAY...

2005-08-29T19:09:00.000-07:00

Well, not a whole lot of exciting things have happened lately, I guess. I mean, they're exciting to me but I'm not quite sure if they will seem like that to anyone else except Trever. I'm so glad that him and I have been able to spend so much time together and I bet it seems like we're ALWAYS together but... it just doesn't seem like enough to me. I know that there really isn't much else we can do to spend more time together but it's just something that I would really like. Every time that we are together we never really talk a lot about ourselves and that is something I want to do more. I really want to get to know him so that he can get to know me, also. It's just so different to me. It's like he actually wants to know me and wants people to know about us. It wasn't like that before with you-know-who. It feels good this time, to have someone feel about you the way you feel about them. I know that I have serious trust issues and there is something that is in my past that has caused that. It scares me to death every time I think about it and every time I think of telling someone. Of course, my parents know, and a few other people do, but it took me years to tell those people, even my parents. And not one single person knows the whole story. But, I really want to tell Trever. I'm so afraid of what he would think of me. I usually wouldn't even say this much about the subject but Missy already knows and her and Trever are really the only people who read this anymore. I think that I need to spend some more time getting to know Trever before I tell him, though. But, it's weird. I'm scared to tell him, yet I want him to know. I don't want to start a relationship or whatever you call this with secrets or lies. (Don't worry, I haven't lied....) I think I would be able to tell him though... not in school, maybe after or on a weekend or something when we actually have time to talk. But most of all, I'm not sure if Trever is ready to hear something like this. I really don't know how he'll take it or if he'd even be able to take it at all. I don't know.... Some advice would really help... Missy (HINT:HINT). Well, I'd better go. I need my "beauty" rest for driver's ed. tomorrow morning. Darn. :(
TTFN (ta ta for now)~
Amanda Courtney

COMPLICATED

2005-08-25T15:14:00.000-07:00

Well, life has been good. I have been more tired than ever, though. I am taking driver's ed. and it is from 6-8 every morning. Then I am usually staying up between 10:00 and 11:00 to finish my days homework. I have missed marching band twice this past week and will miss it again three times next week. I kind of feel bad about not being there, but I have already talked to Mo about it and it's fine. I'm really excited about all the things that I am doing and all the things that are coming up. I like to be busy and I guess I sort of thrive off of stress. But, not to the point that I get sick. Yes, I am sick. It is so hard because my throat hurts and I constantly have a headache, not to mention other not-so-fun symptoms. I don't know if it is a cold or the flu, but my parents think that it is because I am worrying about all the things I have to do and me not getting enough sleep. But, there is only one more week of driver's ed. and then I will be able to "sleep in" yet again. Also, one thing that sucks- there was a sort of basketball seminar this morning at 6:30 and I couldn't go. I could hear the whistle, the ball hitting the ground, the squeak of shoes on the gym floor, the yells as girls ran out plays and just knowing that I should have been there. I wanted to just get up and tell Adamson that I would have to make up the hours some other time. I wanted to go play so bad. But, obviously, I couldn't. I can't wait to play again, though.

Another thing that is complicated, even though it is going well, is my umm..... I don't know... Trever and me... Everyone keeps asking if we are going out or if we are "together." And frankly, I'm not sure what to say. We like each other a lot. But, it's just... complicated. I need to talk to him about something but I don't want him to take it the wrong way and I really don't want to hurt or lose him. (So, Trever, if we get a chance to really talk tomorrow... please don't freak out or anything.) And I'm not meaning all of this like the dreaded words "WE NEED TO TALK." Because it's not like that. I just want to know what happens next, that's all. I'm not trying to get out of it because I really don't want to. Every time I think about how I feel when I'm around him, I get these butterflies in my stomach and a really peaceful feeling like I know that everything will work out between him and me. Things are just right. And that's how I like it and that's how I want to keep it.
Now that you have all heard my shpeal (I don't think that's how you spell it but I don't care because I don't think it's a real word anyways). I'll be going now.

'Til next time,
~Au revoir~
Mandy

SCARED TO DEATH

2005-08-20T19:31:00.000-07:00

First off, I have a talk in sacrament tomorrow and that is part of the reason that I am scared to death. I hate getting up in front of a lot of people. I get really nervous and I usually end up talking twice as fast a normal. I get butterflies in my stomach and I can't talk and I mumble over my words. I also look down the entire time. I really hate it. I don't want to go just so that I don't have to give my talk. That's how scared I am. I have really been trying to get over it but I just can't. So, wish me luck.
I am also a little scared of the relationship I'm sort of in right now. I know that Trever would never do anything to hurt me and that's not it. I'm scared that we might not end up liking each other in the future and that we might not stay friends. It scares me to think that I could lose such a great person like that in my life. I know it's silly to be thinking of these things already but that's just the person that I am. When I find something great I don't want to lose it. I don't think that it will ever be possible to lose Trever but you never know what could happen. I just want to spend time with him. Just to get to know him better. It feels good to have someone feel this way for you. You think that they could never feel about you the way you feel about them. But, I understand Trever. He means a lot to me and I don't think that will ever change. He met my stepdad last night at the football game. It was funny because I thought my stepdad would be a jerk, he's kind of known for that. But he didn't really say anything to Trever and after the game he seemed to really like him. That was strange because he's never liked any of the guys that I've introduced him to. So, that gives me hope.
Well, I'd better go. I can't wait to talk to Trever again and hopefully I might see him tomorrow.
~Mandy~

P.S. Jessica, talk to me on Monday. I really hope you read this. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. You are truly an amazing person. Don't you ever think differently. Don't be mad at the world for what happens to you. Retaliate. Take back your life and what is truly yours. You can always make something better if you just believe in yourself. Show the world who's boss. Don't take crap from guys and especially don't let them make you feel like you're nobody. You are so unique and that is one of your greatest qualities. Don't let anyone tell you different.

SMILING AND LAUGHING

2005-08-18T15:44:00.000-07:00

Hmmmm.... a very personal subject. I know that Trever and Missy and some other sources are going to end up reading this so it doesn't really even matter that much because they already know a lot about this and me anyways and are involved. (Wow-- that was a really long sentence.) Anywho~ I feel like I've been smiling and laughing for a few days straight. It's so great. I can just hardly believe that someone like Trever likes me. He's just so.... great. I don't even know how to put it into words. He says the sweetest things and neither of us are really shy about it. I mean, of course there's going to be some blushing going on, but we're actually quite comfortable with each other. That is such a different and exciting feeling for me, I love it. It was either today or yesterday that Missy asked me something, I can't quite remember when. But, she asked me if I liked Trever more than the previously mentioned guy in my life and it was as if I didn't even have to think about it. I instantly knew what the answer was. And I'm guessing that he does, too. But, there is so much to say but I don't want Trever to find out on the internet. I am still quite shy but I actually want to tell him instead of write to him about my feelings. I'm sure I won't tell him all at once but I'm sure he'll find out in time.

Until then,
~Peace~
Mandy Loo

TRAPPED

2005-08-15T18:53:00.000-07:00

A lot of good things have happened lately. Band camp was a lot of fun. Plus school started and I got to see even more of my friends. And I stopped thinking of Steven. That is a major break-through for me. It feels so good! I am so happy about that and I'm not sure why. Maybe because I like someone else now. I'm not the kind of person that gets compliments and actually believes them. Actually, I'm not the kind of person that gets compliments, from guys anyways. Sure my friends that are girls say that my hair or my clothes look cute but let's be honest, all girls do that. And a lot of times you don't know if they really mean it or are just saying it to be nice because they are your friends. And I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but you just can never really take in the compliments you get from a girl to girl conversation. But this guy that I like now wrote something in his blog that made me grin. And I don't "grin" often. I usually just smile. And another thing is that he's such a gentleman. It's not very often that you find a genuinely good guy that likes you back. Even Steven wasn't like this. So, I have made a resolution. I am not going to mention Steven again on this blog unless he actually puts forth an effort to contact me and gives some reasonable facts important enough for me to post. But otherwise, nothing. It makes me have butterflys in my stomach to say something like that but I know that I will feel better about it. So, don't worry about him Trever... :)

Now I know that the title of this blog doesn't appropriately apply to the previously mentioned news. But this is what I was referring to and what I am having a hard time with. My stepdad thinks he is superior. TO EVERYONE! It's horrible. He always tells me how proud he is of me but when I want to voice my own opinion or when I do something wrong it's as if the world has ended. I don't have a lot of self-esteem. I am working at it, but when he talks to me it's as if all my progress has stopped. First off, I am not allowed to be around guys unless we are at a school or church function, until I am 16. Therefore, my summer was extremely boring. My mom disagrees to that rule of my stepdad's but doesn't say a word. He munipulates people and he wants them to do what he thinks is right and think what he thinks is right. He always seems to make me feel like I have no self worth even though "he doesn't mean to." I think it's a bunch of bull. He knows exactly what he is doing and it makes him feel good to see me cry. That's one of the reasons I can't wait to turn 16. I'll be able to get in my car and just leave. Even if I just go to the library or something, I'll be able to get away from him. You'd think I'd get used to it after 12 years of living with him but he just keeps getting worse. We got into a debate about how he thinks that are teenagers are lazy and stupid and rely on technology. I kept bringing up the fact that that is not our fault and that it has a lot to do with the government. I also told him that he would probably act just as teenagers do now if he were to grow up in this generation. He had to put me down then resort to the fact that I don't have my car fixed yet because my mom would give it to my brother Josh instead of thinking of me. He has always hinted over the years that my mom favors my older brother and I have started to believe him. I know that I shouldn't but it's just so hard when you are put down everyday just because you aren't perfect "like my stepdad." Even thinking about it makes me cry. Things are getting better because I am not at home a lot anymore but I'm really not sure if I can take 3 more years of this. It's just so hard sometimes.

Amanda

GETTING READY

2005-08-03T12:31:00.000-07:00

This year is going to be a blast! There are a lot of things that I am counting down towards. First, only 1 and a half weeks til school starts again. I kind of want and don't want to go back. I want to go back to see all of my friends and to actually have things to do in my life once again besides scrapbooking. But, of course, I don't want to go back to do all the school work. I am very anxious because I am taking AP Biology this year and I'm pretty sure that it will be a challenge for me but, hey, I like challenges. Then, it is 9 months until my stepbrother, Justin, gets back from his mission. He just made Zone Leader but I can tell from his letters that he is very much the same as when he left. Still the smart alec, goofy, fun brother that I've always had. Next, I get my braces off in 5 months!! Yes! I'll finally be able to get these stupid things off! And then in 4 months I turn 16. Ahhhh.... the greatest of them all. I already have a car and I am going to help my stepdad put a new(or newer) transmission in it so that it will run properly. And, of course, the whole dating thing is a plus. But, at the moment, if I had to choose between driving or dating at 16, I think I would choose driving. I would still be able to hang out with my guy friends but I would be able to get away from this house which is what I've wanted for far too long.

I am also excited about things that will be taking place during this school year. I am now on the band council and I'm very nervous about that. But, it's nice to know what is going on before the rest of the band finds out. Marching band is going to be really fun also with all the things we will be doing. And, yet again, we get to do pep band. I love pep, it's just so much fun hanging out at the games with all your friends and playing the pep songs. I am also hoping that I make the basketball team yet again. Like I've said before, basketball is one of my passions. Going to the basketball camp made me miss it sooo much! I am also in a variety of clubs and am hoping to join NHS if at all possible. Anything I can do that would help me get a scholarship is good. I also know that this will sound dumb or something but I also am looking forward to seeing guys again. My parents, in my opinion, are being overprotective and won't even let my hang out with guys until I'm 16, even if I just like the guy as a friend. So the only time I've been able to hang out with guys is when there's parents or teachers or church advisors around and that really hasn't been that much. I have a lot of friends that are girls that I hang out with but I actually like hanging out with guys more. They are not as dramatic as girls and they are much easier to talk to. So, that's another plus of school. Well, I've written a lot and it hasn't really been about anything.

Steven, I would really like to go to your farewell and I know that you probably won't be leaving for a little while but if you could post that then... well... thanks.

Talk to you all later!
~Peace~
Manda

HAZARDOUS

2005-07-31T16:40:00.000-07:00

This weekend was quite explicit. It was uneventful yet very eventful with all the drama in my family. At the funeral my great-grandma didn't look like my great-grandma. I don't know what I expected. I guess I thought that she would look the same as she did every day sitting in her wheel chair. Anywho~ that was a little disturbing for me. We were supposed to be staying at my uncle's condo in Park City and I was going to stay in the room that is correctly titled as "The Girl's Room." As in, "the girl cousin's that always hang out together and stay in the tiny bedroom with 3 twin beds." But by the time we got there my aunt had decided that her 14 month old daughter ought to have a bedroom all to herself and her porta-crib. So, I got the floor in the living room because no human being with feeling in their body could possibly sit on those couches yet again sleep on them. So that, of course, made me a little upset. Then my cousin and I made a truce the next day at the family reunion not to attack each other with the water. The water games were more for the little kids and us both being almost 16, he and I decided not to join the younger cousins. Later in the day there was a misunderstanding where he thought I threw a sponge at him so he dumped a 5-gallon bucket of water over my head. Yeah, that was fun. I wanted to walk back to LaVerkin sopping wet. Unfortunately, my dad wouldn't approve of that. Then that night while we were staying at my Aunt Kelli's there was, yet again, drama. My 12 year-old cousin Sydnie is the drama queen. She takes things you say and twists them into the cruelest possible story against her. And somehow... she gets all the adults to believe every single word she says. It's truly amazing, actually. Then there were ghost stories and 7 cousins sleeping in the same room that seems to be made for an elf. It is one of the smallest bedrooms I have ever seen. Overall, this is how I would sum it up... Tears. Good Food. Frustration. Drama. Fun. Yep, that's about it. :)

Well, I'm excited for school. To see everyone again that I haven't seen this summer. Oh! And Steven... I told you to get a hold of me yet didn't really give you a way to. My number is 7614.
Have fun everyone!!!!!!! 2 weeks and the insanity will start again!

~Peace~
Mandy

IN LOVING MEMORY...

2005-07-27T15:10:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday as I get ready to fall asleep there is a phone call. I hear my stepdad coming towards my room. It's past 10:00. Who would be calling me? I sit up and say hello. My Aunt Kriss is on the other end. She tells me that something has happened and my heart starts to race. At first I think of my dad because I would think that if something were to happen he would be the one to call me. I try to fight back panic as I ask her what is wrong. My great-grandmother has past away just a half hour ago. My aunt tells me that my dad is having a really hard time so he asked her to call me. I know how much he loved his grandma and how much he hates crying in front of me. I took the phone back to my stepdad and went to bed. I lay there thinking of her. My grandma. I think of how she just sat there in front of the t.v. all day because she was too weak to do anything else. I regret not talking to her more. I know that she would have loved for someone to just talk to her about things she had done in her past instead of asking if she was ready for a nap. I wish that I had spent more quality time with her instead of just being in the same room. I will really miss her but I know that she is better now. In her last few years she hasn't really been able to talk or walk. I know things are better for her now but I will miss her a lot. The funeral is in Salt Lake this Saturday. After the funeral there is a family reunion which just happens to be this weekend also. It's been planned for months. I know that life is too short. That we take advantage of the things and people around us. I hope that in the future I can spend time with the ones I love before it's too late. I know I will see my great-grandma again but it won't be for a while. This weekend's going to be very emotional and very interesting. I just hope that the family can get through it.

In loving memory of Eva Stringham. 94 years old. 4 sons(one already passed away). I don't know the kids the other 3 had but from my grandpa Eva had 5 grandchildren and 12 great-grandchildren. She will be missed by all.

~Amanda~

BASKETBALL ANYONE?

2005-07-23T14:51:00.000-07:00

I went to basketball camp on Thursday from 9-12. Now... I am not an inactive person but this camp beat me up so bad!!! I excercise between an hour and an hour and a half everyday. But obviously I was not prepared! I am still a little sore but on Friday it hurt just to get up! I couldn't believe it! I'm still not sure what I can do to make myself better except just keep working out. There's no way that I can make my workouts longer because at the end of the week(I do not work out on Sundays) I feel like sleeping forever because my body is so worn out. I guess that there's just not much I can do. Oh, well!
But camp was great! It felt so good to go and shoot around again and to run plays and to sweat like a pig. Oh wait, I do that when I work out, too. Anyways... :) Basketball is my passion. Along with reading, wakeboarding, and music. I don't know how I could possibly live without any one of those.
Well, Steven, seems how this is really the only way that we are communicating... I guess that I'll just have to tell you some things on here where anyone could read them. I wasn't mad at you because you haven't talked to me. I understand all that. I understood it when the end of the school year came. I knew that I would probably talk to you very little if any during the summer or even until you left on your mission(or got back). Actually, I kind of accepted the fact that I might not talk to you ever again in my life. Although it made me sad, I understood. The thing that made me mad was something that you told one of my best friends, Samantha Canfield, when you guys went on the Symphony trip up to State. I trust Samantha with all my heart but the fact that you didn't know what I was talking about makes me doubt her just a little bit. I really need to talk to you in person because I just don't feel comfortable spilling everything on my blog. I need to hear the facts from you because they are just so hard to believe. And don't lie to me. Not that I'm accusing you of anything but just a warning because I am a very skeptic person and it is honestly hard for me to trust anyone. It's very hard for me to believe people especially when I think that they have lied before. So... I think that this blog is long enough now. Whenever you are free to talk or anything... it's not like I have a lot to do around here... I'll be ready.

~Amanda Courtney~

SPEACHLESS???

2005-07-17T12:41:00.000-07:00

Well, there is so much to say yet I can't even begin. I guess this is just because I'm a girl or something but I have been so emotional lately. Not because of any particular reason... I just am. Last night I went to the Stake Dance with Missy and Maygen and afterwards I was just... happy. I don't even know why. It was all so strange to me. I was just happy for no particular reason and my night wasn't even all that grand. It felt good, though. To be happy.
Then I got some really unexpected news from Zach(thank you for telling me or I wouldn't have checked my blog for about a week). He told me that "someone" a.k.a. "salty" had commented on my blog. Well... here comes the speachless part. I don't know how to feel. This is where the emotional part comes in. I hardly know what to say because there are just so many feelings and thoughts running through my mind. I don't know whether I should jump for joy, scream with rage, or cry. But since I read that comment and that blog I really feel like crying and I just don't get it. I'm not sad... so why should I feel like crying? Ahh.... the female hormones... they really just suck sometimes. Then the pain part comes along. Why is it so hard for guys just to explain things in one sitting? But, I guess I should be patient. There are just so many questions that it's hard to think. What I would give to feel normal again.... But, like I always say to my friends, normal is vastly overrated. Oh... and one more thing. "Salty", don't take this as something rude but I didn't really write all those things because I "cared." I wrote them because I was pissed off. But just so you know.... I do care. And I hope you do, too. I'm not going to say a lot of things that I feel like saying right now because I don't know the whole story and I don't want to say something I might end up regretting. So I'm leaving you with this.... No matter how scared or afraid or embarrassed you are... it's not worth it. It's not worth hurting those around you. The truth is always better than any lie no matter how hard it is. At least to me. Just tell me the truth. The honest truth. That's all I ever wanted.

Mandy

"THE 4TH", "THAT'S ICKY", AND "MY DAD'S"

2005-07-07T13:56:00.000-07:00

Well~ I am not going to finish that other post because I'm not mad right now and I don't want to get mad. But, I am finally ready to talk to Steven. Before, every time I would think of talking to him I would get so mad. But now, I don't and I think that I will be able to have a civil conversation with him. Anywho, on to more important matters.
The 4th of July was so fun!! I marched in the parade that morning even though I didn't know the music that well. I was supposed to have been at Band Practice the week before but we were on vacation and it's hard to practice the music when you're always doing something every second. But, I still love the thrill of marching. Some people think that I am stupid but it's just how I feel before a basketball game or a talk in church. My adrenaline gets going and I love the feeling of people cheering for our band. Then I went to see "Herbie" at the movies with Missy and Maygen. That was a cute show but it was more fun just being able to hang out with my friends. After that we went to the pool for about an hour and I didn't even get in trouble for being late. Then I went to Josh and Rosey's (brother and sister-in-law) to have dinner and because it was Rosey's birthday. We had a BBQ and watched a movie. It was kinda fun. Then I went to Missy's and met some more of her family and we went to watch the fireworks at the baseball field. That was REALLY fun. I met Missy's cousin that night too. He's a really nice guy. But... anywho...
Then Tuesday morning Missy came to the lake with me, my mom, and my stepdad and I taught her how to wakeboard. She learned pretty quick. I also got a lot of wakeboarding time in. That was the best. I love wakeboarding. It's been really hard for me to learn how to jump and I've been trying really hard. I can usually jump but never get the landing just right. LOL Let's just say that I biff it a lot. But Tuesday I landed. I finally landed. And I didn't crash. I got air and I didn't crash. It was beautiful. Ahh.... wakeboarding. But the icky thing about all this is we went to Sand Hollow instead of Quail. And there's still a dead guy in Sand Hollow. They might have found him now but he was still floating around in the bottom of the lake somewhere when we were there. They didn't close the lake but they just wouldn't let you go to the north end. I was so afraid of some guy bumping into me. Uuuugghh.... But, I got over it after a while and the water was like glass. It was a beautiful day.
Later on Tuesday my dad picked me up and I've been at his house ever since. I'm going to be here for about a week. My dad is off work because he broke his foot so I get to spend a lot of time with him. He has a girlfriend now. He goes on dates quite a bit. I like her a lot. She's much better than the last lady he liked. We went to Tuacahn last night and saw "Beauty and the Beast." That was great. I love musicals.
Well... that's about all for right now. I hope I get some more exciting news for you all. LOL Yeah... all you three or four people that read my blog. LOL
~Peace~
Amanda

WHO KNOWS?

2005-07-03T18:09:00.000-07:00

I am sick of everyone feeling so sorry for themselves. I know that I have problems in my life and I complain but all this blog is for is for me to vent my feelings so that I don't have to bug anyone else with them. I could complain a lot more. But I know that there are a lot of people who have it harder than me and I think of that everytime I am having a hard time. It could always be worse. So stop acting like your life is such a bad thing. I know the person I am talking about won't even read this because she doesn't even know that I have a blog. But, like I said, I am just venting.
And another thing. Why does everyone have such a freakin' problem with people that are younger than them? Youth is not a disease so stop acting like it is. You were our age once, too, so back off.
I have to go but I will definately finish this post.
Amanda

CHAOS CONTINUED

2005-06-19T18:52:00.000-07:00

Well- I'm back to finish my post. I haven't talked to Steven. It's weird. One minute, I'm so mad at him that I don't even want to talk to him- then the next minute I want to see him so bad just to see him. I like someone else, also. I'm slowly accepting the fact that Steven doesn't have feelings for me. And then when I think of me accepting it... it makes me feel sad. Not sad that he doesn't like me. Sad that I'm losing someone as great as him-- or so I thought was so "great." I was really hoping that there was a comment and that someone could give me a little advice, encouragement, or just maybe something to make me feel better. But~ I guess I'll just wait.
Missy is leaving for EFY tomorrow so I can't really talk to her. I'm currently at my dad's and was hoping to talk to my cousin who is less than a year younger than me. I hate to admit it, but she is wise beyond her years and I take comfort in listening to her advice. But her family is on vacation and won't be back before I go back to LaVerkin. I certainly can't talk to my mom because she thinks that Steven and I only like each other a little bit and has no idea of the things I won't even let out on the internet. I feel alone. It sucks but..... I take comfort in it. It gives me time to do my scrapbooking and strengthen my testimony by doing things for church. But I hate being bored. I haven't really done anything with my friends this summer. It's getting old and I like being busy. I am looking forward to the next couple weeks.
Tomorrow my stepdad is picking me up to go to my orthodontist appointment. Then I have to go home and start packing for Girl's Camp. Tuesday my dad and his side of the family(and me!) are going to the Summer Solstice up at Parawan Gap. That is going to be really fun. There's an especially cool thing happening this year. A professor has found out that the moon lines up with some of the petroglyphs. It only happens every 19 years, so I'm excited about that. Then it's off to Girl's Camp Wednesday morning and I won't be back 'til Saturday. It's going to be very interesting for me because almost every girl in my ward is younger than me and VERY immature. But there are those choice few that I get along with really well. Then I come home and unpack and wash my clothes. Then I repack my now clean clothes to go to a family reunion in Laughlin, Nevada. I love going to Laughlin but we don't get to take friends with us this year and I'm not so sure how it will turn out. Still--- it's by the water, in the sun, and away from boredom... what could be better? :) Then I come back and do exactly as I did before to go to a slightly shorter but definately larger family reunion on my dad's side of the family up North. But~ like I said~ I like being busy... and I'm looking forward to the next couple of weeks. :)
Well... not much else going on, even though that is a lot. I'm taking driver's ed. in August and I'll be 16 in November. Ahhhhh........ freedom at last. I can't wait.

~'til next time,
amanda~

CHAOS

2005-06-13T07:48:00.000-07:00

Wow! It's been so long since I've posted! I can't believe it! Well, summer so far has been quite chaotic. The weekend after school got out I was supposed to go to Park City for a family girl's weekend but ended up not going so that I could pack for California. My parents and I talked Missy's parents into letting her go to California so I was totally stoked about that but I am not sure whether I regret it or not. The recording studio was so awesome!!!! Then Disneyland for three days was a blast! I wish that I could have hung out with a bigger group but it was still pretty fun. Missy kind of made me mad and she knows it. But~ things are cooling down. Then I had my fourth year hike(not to be confused with girl's camp- this was NOT girl's camp!) up in Pine Valley. Five miles up and then sleeping the night. The leaders said that I was doing very well. Some girls didn't understand why I was having such a hard climb. But they don't know what it's like to have asthma. They don't understand how hard it is. They don't understand what it's like to have the feeling that a 50 pound weight is crushing your chest and your enormous backpack is making it crush even more. They don't understand what it's like to fight desperately for air and be disappointed at the lack thereof. Luckily I had an inhaler, so I didn't have an asthma attack, which is usually a good thing. Then the next day we had to hike back down- in the rain! It was pouring! But I actually enjoyed it, nevertheless. Aleasa was being a total wuss, though. "I miss Chad. I wanna see Chad. I wanna talk to Chad. Chad and I had a fight before I hiked up here. I miss Chad. I need to talk to Chad." SHUT UP WOMAN!! I wanted to scream but kept silent all the more. Uuugghhh.....
Now I have this entire week off~ nothing to do. And I'm going to take advantage. I found out some disturbing things about Steven though. Well, first (before school was out) he said that he "just wanted to be friends." Ssssuuuurrreee..... Then, at the top of Pine Valley, Samie Jo told me some things that he had told her at the Symphony trip. Most of what he and I had experienced was a lie. I'm not going to go into detail, but I'll just say that I have no idea who he is anymore. And it hurts so bad. I'm not going to be all mushy and stuff. It mostly hurts because he did lie. I can handle the truth, but if someone lies to me... It's not a good thing. I have obsessive compulsive disorder which is usually not that bad. But I get panic attacks when I realize that someone I trusted lied to me. It hurts that I did trust him, I did (well I still do) like him. And he lied. He had no reason to lie. What also hurts is that I've been trying to not think about him... but I just can't. I think how much I miss him, then I think how much I want to yell and scream at him. I'm going to talk to him sometime this week. I hope he'll at least talk to me. I won't yell, no matter how bad I'll want to, but I'll tell him what I think of him. I don't mind being friends.
I have to go. Talk to you later.
~Amanda~

BAND "SOCIAL" --- LITERALLY

2005-05-20T08:49:00.000-07:00

Well-- I have to admit that the band social was extremely fun! It was awesome! Especially the shaving cream war. Just don't eat that stuff. Trust me- it's gross. It's also not good to get it in your eyes, especially when you have contacts. And even though I hate the smell of shaving cream... I rather like it now. I actually like it a lot now. LOL Missy knows why... and no one else will. :)
Anywho~ finals have been torture! I've had about 10-15 hours of sleep since last week!(well... maybe a little more) AAAAHHHH!!!!! But my grades are good. Now I just have to focus on that one A- and get it up to an A and my 4.0 for the entire year will be complete! YES!
My sunburn is not doing so well. First it started to blister, now I am peeling like crazy!!! It's horrible!! I even have sun poisoning. This is the worst burn I have ever had. I'm just glad that it doesn't cover a lot of my body. Even though this sucks, I want to go to the lake again. LOL :)
Well, school is almost over! I can't wait! Then it's up to Salt Lake for Memorial Day weekend with all the girls on my dad's side of the family. Then after that--- CALIFORNIA. It's going to be awesome. I'm really excited! I think there's only about 11 days until we leave. Ah~ life is good. This summer is going to be crazy, though. But, hey. I like that in my life. I like being busy most of the time instead of sitting aroung doing nothing and being bored. :)
Well... I guess it's time to go. Not much else to say.

Ta Ta For Now
~Manda~

FEELING A LITTLE.... CONFUSED

2005-05-12T08:19:00.000-07:00

Well~ I'm really not that confused but I didn't know what to call this post... so that confused me.
Anywho~first I want to say how much I am going to miss everyone at school. I know that we'll still see each other but not as much. Zach, my parents said that if they meet you guys after summer starts then I can probably go bowling with you or something if you wanted me to go again. But~ I know school won't be out for a little while but... I'm still kinda sad that I won't see all the people I know as much as usual.
Next~ I just want to say how happy I am. I got my Patriarchal Blessing and I have been happy ever since. It seems like nothing can bring me down right now. I'm just happy-and that feels VERY good!
Another thing is... I will miss Steven a lot. He will be leaving on his mission at the end of this year and I don't really even want to think of him being gone for two years. He said that he is afraid that when he leaves I will move on to someone else and forget about him. I've told him several times that that won't happen but I still don't think that I've gotten my point into his head. Tomorrow at the band social I am planning on getting it into his head one way or another. I really have strong feelings for him and I want him to know that. I will be here when he gets back, and I'm not planning on being unavailable.
Anywho~ I read some of Jill's old blogs. I especially liked the one about her wanting to be loved. I understand how she feels. I don't feel that the word "love" should be thrown around either. That is why is it hard to explain my feelings for Steve. "LIKE" is not nearly strong enough, but "LOVE" is too complicated and I know that I wouldn't mean it. Not really. Not yet.
Well~ now that you are all bored with my life, I guess I'll log off.
Until next time,
~Amanda Courtney~

A LOT HAS HAPPENED

2005-05-10T08:23:00.000-07:00

Well~we went to State Band last weekend and got a 2+. I think that's really good and I'm very proud to be a part of the Hurricane High School Band! HECK YES!! LOL The trip was also fun. Steven and I were on seperate buses but that was okay. I still had a really great time and he promised me that he would make up 8 hours worth of the bus ride. I'm still not quite sure how he's gonna do that, but he said that he will. I just know that everything is going to be okay.
Anywho~ I got to talk to my stepbrother on Mother's Day. That was great. I told him that I'll be dating and driving by the time he gets back. He said that I have to wait til he gets back so that we can double-date. Yea-that'll be fun. Double-dating with my stepbrother. HECK YES! LOL :)
I just want to say one last thing. Zach~ sorry that Steve freaked out on you. :( I don't think that you were doing anything wrong. I didn't care. You were just trying to help. There's no problem with that and I feel bad that Steve reacted like that. So, sorry. You're still awesome, though!!!! :)
~Mandy Loo~

FEELING CONFUSED..... AGAIN

2005-04-28T08:24:00.000-07:00

Well, things have been a little crazy this past week and next week will be the same. Things with Steve have been complicated. I really don't want to talk about it. But... no one really cares anyways. I've just been in my own little world because of things. Yesterday I had a really bad day. Emotions running wild and no one to turn to caused me to pull into my little shell yet again. It's seems that that is what I am best at. But, I guess your day really won't go that good when you wake up to your parents fighting at 5 o'clock in the morning. Nothing new. Just cover my head with the pillow and try to go back to sleep. I am trying my best to be happy. I think that I pretend very well. So today I am trying NOT to pretend. I shouldn't have to. I'm just taking one thing at a time and anyone who doesn't like it... SCREW YOU. That's very blunt, but I just don't care right now. Well... I'm excited for State Band! WooHoo!!!! LOL It's going to be very interesting, though. But, that's about all for now. I'm just in my little world and just going with the flow.
Toodles
~Amanda Courtney~

IT'S BEEN TOO LONG

2005-04-24T16:54:00.000-07:00

Well- I haven't written in a REALLY long time! Anywho... not that much has happened anyways. But, I am pretty excited. I've been trying to get a hold of the patriarch for a week and I finally did. I'm going to be getting my patriarchal blessing in two weeks and I am excited! I can't wait.
Anywho... I'm at my dad's right now... just trying to get away from all the chaos. We're celebrating my brother's birthday today(it's really on Tuesday, he'll be 18) and ALL the family is over. Well, at least the ones in Southern Utah. It's pretty crazy, though. Tons and tons of cousins and I'm the third oldest. Wow... talk about a lot of little kids. But- it's fun. I like big families... couldn't go any other way. :)
Well.. mother's day is also in two weeks which means I get to talk to my stepbrother. YES! I miss him so much. He's on his mission in Wisconsin and he's been gone a little over a year. He was just made District Leader.. and he might become Zone Leader soon. So he's pretty stoked about that. I can't wait to talk to him again!
Well... I'll be seeing all you people tomorrow at school. :( LOL Just kidding. School is great! How else would you get to see all your friends!? :)
~Mandy~

MORMON FIRST BASE

2005-04-14T16:01:00.000-07:00

Well-- that title only explains a little bit of what happened yesterday. I'm not going to write all that happened, though. That's my business. And I want to tease Zach by not telling him. LOL Sorry, Zach- my turn to tease. :) Anywho... yesterday was Region Choir. We didn't make it to state but I think that we got pretty good scores considering that we've only been singing our songs at 2 weeks tops. But I wasn't that upset because band is more of my thing.
Anyhow..... we only took one bus up to Cedar. Which meant that it was going to be tightly packed. But I had no problem with that as long as I got to sit next to Steve. :) Before we got on the bus I told him I had figured out a way for him to make up not showing at the dance--- that we could hold hands again on the bus. And he agreed (DUH!) Anyways... let's just say the trip was REALLY nice. He said that we had basically reached Mormon first base. I had never heard of that, so he explained it to me. (I knew what regular 1st base was and all that but Mormon bases are calmer.) Now, this is the part that I leave out. I know that this is like my journal but I believe that some things should go in my journal where the entire internet world doesn't have access to it. Sorry if that's considered blogsphemy. (I got that thanks to Mr. Mo.) Well, let's just say that I am EXTREMELY happy. Things are going well. School, Steve, my parents are actually getting along, the California trip is taking shape, and my friends are great. Life is good. As it should be! I'll talk to you all later (but it's not like there's a lot of people that read this anyways LOL) .
~Mandy Loo~ :)

CONFUSCIOUS SAY WHAT?

2005-04-13T08:34:00.000-07:00

Well- I am a bit confused. Okay... I'm REALLY confused. I talked to Steve a little bit and everything seems fine now. At least I think it is. We're going to Region Choir today.. so that should be fun. Hopefully as fun as Region Band was. giggle giggle I feel that Steve and I still need to talk a little more but I also feel that everything will be okay. LOL Now he just has to make up for not showing at the dance.

IT'S JUST A STUPID DANCE

2005-04-10T18:27:00.000-07:00

Well there was a Stake Dance last night. Friday night I slept over at Missy's. We saw Steve and talked to him for a while. Missy told him about the dance because she knew that I would forget to. He found out that I was going and said that he guessed that he'd have to go now. I found my cutest skirt and shirt. I had it laying on my bed all day. It took me about 3 hours to do my hair in the cutest, bounciest ringlets. I did my makeup the most adorable way I knew how. I even wore my heels. I never wear heels. I had to practice walking in them just to make sure that I wouldn't fall over during the night. I showed up a little before 9. The dance had started at 8:30. We told Steven that. But- no Steve. (Just in case you're confused- Steven and Steve is the same person. I just switch between names.) Anyways-- I had fun. I figured Steve would show up later. Nope. 9:30 came and I decided to call him, see if he had forgotten or couldn't come. His sister said he wasn't home. I figured that he was on his way. 15- 20 minutes later- I knew it didn't take that long to get from his house to the church. 10:00 came and my friend Samie Jo decided to call him. She talked to his mom who said that he had gone off with some friends. He could have found a way to tell me that he wasn't coming. 10:30 finally came and one of my friends saw how sad I was and said that Steve would probably show up later. I informed that person what time it was. Too late. I was miserable. I looked absolutely gorgeous. I don't want to sound stuck up or anything but there are very few times when I feel and look that good. And he missed it. I had tried to impress someone who didn't even show. I know that it's just a stupid dance. But he said that he would be there. And he wasn't. I was afraid of something like this happening. I mean-- what was I thinking? How could I possibly think that it would work out between a senior and a freshmen? I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe things will work out and I'll write a post tomorrow about how everything is just hunky-dory. But for now.... I'm hurt. And I hate being hurt.

JUST CATCHING UP

2005-04-10T15:31:00.000-07:00

Well, I will write another blog today but I really want to focus on the things that have happened that aren't bad. We went to Snow Canyon High School for Region Band. AND WE'RE GOING TO STATE!!!!! HECK YES! I'm totally stoked! I can't wait. I know that a lot of hard work and practice practice practice will be involved but I'm ready. It will be a really interesting experience at State. Not to mention that the bus ride should be really sweet. LOL :) I know that I shouldn't be telling this to all that read my blog but I'm sure that everyone will find out sooner or later. And it's not like my blog is all that popular or anything. Sorry Steve. I just have to write this. But........... Steven and I held hands all the way home from SCHS for Region!!! :) :) OOOHHH!!!!! I was so happy! You seriously have no idea! He wants to keep it quiet so anybody that reads this... please PLEASE don't bother us about it. Thanx! Well- I will write again after I eat dinner. I'm afraid the next post won't be so happy.
Mandy Loo~ Little Ms. Floating On A Cloud :) LOL

MUSIC

2005-04-06T08:31:00.000-07:00

Well, So far in this blog all I've written about is things that have happened to me. So I'm going to write a little about me. Just me. I love music. Almost any kind. I mostly listen to punk. I've been to a Brittany Spears concert. Also: Styx, Linkin Park, Brown Eyed Deception. They had opening bands but I will mention them some other time. I love country, too. I think one of the best vocalists I have ever heard is Tim McGraw. I love his music. I also love to listen to Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. Along with Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder. I think that I am quite diverse in my music status.
~Toodles for now~
mandy loo

FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!!!

2005-04-04T16:00:00.000-07:00

Well, I have to say that I am a little frustrated!!! Well- maybe more than a little. I have a friend that plays the flute like me. We will just call her "Jane." "Jane" decided that she didn't want to come to early morning practice today for band. I persuaded her to go into the auditorium once but when Mr. Mo wasn't there she bolted out again "for a drink." "Jane" decided not to come back in. I tried and tried but she wouldn't give in. She said that she hadn't had any sleep over the entire weekend. She said she was sunburned (she didn't look like it but she said that she felt like it--- I'm not here to judge) and that she was sore from it. She said that she has also had little or nothing to eat. I'm not complaining but I've been eating nothing but jello, pudding, and yogurt since last Wednesday (my braces prevented me from eating normal food). So when I haven't been having the best time I really have a low tolerance for people that say that they have it bad when we have something that needs to get done. Now, I'm not mad at "Jane". I want her to know that. And I really don't want "Jane" to be mad at me. I would just prefer that people suck it up until we finish Region and get done what we need to get done. That doesn't go for just "Jane". It goes for all the people who did not show up at early morning practice any of the days we have done it just because they were "too tired" or "didn't feel like it." THAT IS NOT AN EXCUSE! Sorry for being so blunt but I'm just saying what I feel. I practice to win and I think that everyone needs to do that for us to actually win.
~Amanda~

FEELING BETTER

2005-03-25T14:40:00.000-07:00

Well- I'm feeling better now. a least a little bit. Thanks to everyone that commented. You really made me feel better. THANKS!!!!!!!!!! Life is getting better again. Just going through my ups and downs. LOL But i know that I am not the only one that goes through these things. My dad got back from his vacation from England and France on Wednesday but he didn't call me until about 7 or 8 last night. That freaked me out a little bit. I was worried but he's fine and he brought me pictures so I'm happy. LOL Anyways- again I just want to thank all my wonderful friends. Where would I be without you?! :) I'll talk to all of you later. Oh! One more thing! We need to all go to the movies sometime. I've been trying to arrange that for a while but obviously was not very successful. So I'm hoping this will help out a little bit!!
Mandy Loo

TOO MUCH GOING ON

2005-03-20T17:38:00.000-07:00

well- im kinda stressed right now. my parents have been fighting- again, but nothing new there. i just cant wait to go back to school tomorrow so that i actually have something to do. ive been looking forward to going back- especially to see steve. and zach, you can tease me all you want- i dont care! :) lol i guess ill check in later when im feeling a little better.
mandy loo

COUSIN CATASTROPHE

2005-02-26T20:03:00.003-07:00

me and my cousin had a really interesting conversation with one of my other cousins friends on the internet. we started to act like i was an english graduate from DSC. her friend got a little pissed off and never talked to us again. but that didnt stop us from typing still! after that i became a physcologist and was giving her advice about spelling and her little imaturity problems. we were laughing our heads off!!!! ahhh.... a weekend at my dads. (and its only saturday night.) :) heard is the way you hear and herd is a bunch of sheep!! lol (inside joke!) ask and ill tell you later. lol well i will probably write more on my blog but for now ill go. talk to you all later and dont forget that your cousins are all psycho!!! (well at least mine are!)
giggles

LOVE LIFE

2005-02-26T20:03:00.001-07:00

i already told this to someone that i consider a friend. oscar- this is for you.. and anyone else who is reading. well you asked me what made me love life. well- life itself is a wonderful thing. to think of how God put man on this earth with so little and we have made so much of it is a miracle in itself. seeing a babys smile when she has been crying is reason for loving life. seeing that one person that makes your day is loving life. having the courage to face your problems and telling yourself that you can make it through just one more day is reason for loving life. loving life doesnt mean you have to have someone to love. you just have to love yourself, make goals, and work towards them all that you can and you can love life. you dont need someone else to make you whole. God makes you whole. i am a strong believer in the LDS church and i know that God can help you with anything you need. i had a hard depressive time too. now i am the happiest i have ever been and i know that it was God who helped me through that. you are never alone.

SO SERIOUS FOR 15 AND ALL ABOUT STEVEN

2005-02-26T20:03:00.000-07:00

i know that i am only 15 but i am getting really serious for this guy steven. we met the week before school practicing for marching band. now im not some band geek, dont worry. i love band and i feel that almost everything happens for a reason. i almost didnt take band this year. i almost let my high school social status take over. but i took it because my parents said that they would take away my flute if i didnt. well- i met steve in band and now i am so thankful. there are so many reasons that have made me stay here and i feel that is because of steve. i want to have a serious relationship with him (not too serious cuz i cant date till im 16). but at least a semi-serious one would be nice. i guess that i will find out on monday because he will be responding to a letter of the same sort that i wrote to him last week. i cant wait and i want this weekend to go by faster!!!!!
giggly

GOOD DAY

2005-02-25T08:40:00.000-07:00

today is a very good day. the guy i was talking about before likes me back. i want to take this seriously and i think he does too. my best friend, missy, helped me out a little bit. THANKS MISSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CONFUSED ONE

2005-02-23T09:34:00.000-07:00

well- im confused about a guy right now. i dont know if he really likes me. he's 3 years older than me but i dont think that matters.